Carnival of Video Game Bloggers, March 2008 (yes, again!)

March 24th, 2008

Wait, wasn’t last month’s the Carnival for March? Why yes it was, but it makes more sense for this one to be March, what with it being March and all! Anyway, nomenclature aside, I’m proud to present a delicious platter of all the best intelligent gaming articles, covering everything from mouthwatering Nintendo fan art to tasty tips for Wii owners.

Note well, Carnival fans: Some posts submitted before the deadline have been held back for next month’s because I’ve been having a little jaunt around the country. It’s complicated but rest assured, they will feature in next month’s Carnival, I promise. Now, let’s eat!

Hors d’oeuvres

When faced with a huge banquet, it’s best to start with tiny titbits to get your tastebuds warmed up. Alan Smithee’s “Phantasy Star Generation 1 & 2: Sega really needs to do this… now!” is the perfect start! I’ll admit to being a bit of a neophile when it comes to Phantasy Star, but this certainly is appetising!

A new twist on a traditional starter now: Horny Melon. Normally you’d eat honeydew or galia melon, but here at the Carnival we’ve found a new variety, called “Top Ten Most Anticipated Titles of 2008“. It does come with a warning, though: “This is by no means a comprehensive list, instead showcasing those titles that bring something new to the table or at the very least resurrect a long dead IP.”

A little old-wizard is called for next, I think… ah, that “Top 10 MegaMan bosses” should hit the spot! True fact: I’ve never played a MegaMan game. Those boss names are enticing, though! In fact, they perfectly complement his main course, the “Top 10 Gaming Consoles of All Time“. There’s always some controversy over what ingredients should actually make up a “top 10 consoles” list, but here’s an old Newton family recipe: 5g Sony, 10g Atari, 25g Nintendo, 14kg Sega. Pinch of Microsoft.

Matt Howard’s next up with an old family recipe for video game satire, perfected in his showpiece “Bush and Advisors Play Team Fortress 2, Iraq War Called Off“. Flavoured to perfection Matt - nice and sour!

Every great chef knows presentation is everything, and a visually pleasing dish always tastes better than a sloppy mess. With that in mind, Game Fan Art presents “Game Fan Art: The Legend of Zelda“, and Robyn J. McCleary shows off “ORIGINAL NINTENDO” from the kitchens of THE BEAUTY OF ART TODAY. Strangely, I’ve noticed most of my cooking tastes better with my glasses off.

Joe Boomer knows how to please his patrons, but I can’t say any more until the court case ends. He can also defend himself, as his knowledge of superb fighting game “Toribash” shows. I’ve lost many an hour to Toribash, so if you haven’t tasted its delights yet be sure to whet your appetite on Joe’s piece. You won’t be the first.

Not all fine dining has to be expensive, you know. I went to a tremendous restaurant last week that was also very reasonably priced. Majid Morabit appreciates thrift, so his dish consists of “All PS3 games for 34.99CDN!“. Carnival reminder: service is not included in the bill.

Renowned chef Norman Morse can never be accused of serving small portions, and the cornerstone of his new menu, “Why can’t I learn Chinese in a computer game? The Game of Self: Ideas from the perspective of a computer game developer who has immersed himself in Chinese Culture, Self Development and NLP.“, is certainly a mouthful!

Phew, I’d better take a break or it’s possible I’ll die of indigestion. Now’s a good time to mop my brow, loosen my belt and remind you that the next edition of the Carnival should be fully cooked from frozen on April the 21st, and if you fancy hosting it in your own kitchen please leave a comment or email me!

I’m launching into the remaining dishes with renewed energy, and taking a huge bite from Holly Ord’s “Sexy Girls Play the Wii and You Should Too!” from their restaurant, Menstrual Poetry. Haven’t seen that one mentioned in the Good Food Guide… great name, though.

Justin Young came third in Junior Masterchef at the age of just four, and that natural ability comes through in the menu at his bar and grill Game With a Brain, where today the special is a lip-licking “Five useless lessons taught by video games“. The only lesson I’ve learnt recently is that lining up squares of the same colour makes them disappear. And that this feels good when repeated for hours.

A delightful spread from Neelakantha now, offering a massive 100 different flavours on a plate! “The Wii Owner’s Toolbox: 100 Cool Things to do With Your System” should satisfy you… until Mario Kart Wii is out at least!

Today’s Specials

What is a great main course without the side dishes to complement it? What is fish and chips without salt and vinegar? What is roast beef without gravy? What is Andrew Pellerano without “Portal Guns are a Game Condiment“? I can’t answer that, but his blog YAY! It’s Andrew! has the second best name I’ve encountered this month.

Over at the head table I can just see Andy Boyd’s head bobbing around, checking out the reactions to everybody else’s dishes. It’s fair to say they’re going down extremely well, but he has with him a six-foot surprise hidden beneath a cloth. With a flourish he proudly unveils his “9 Home Gaming Setups Better Than Yours”, with a booming cry of “some great setups in here including some serious home gaming arcades!” Looks like Phil from Sodaware just threw up a little…

It’s a cliché, but less sometimes really is more, and Andrew Zolman’s minimalist approach speaks volumes without saying much at all, really. When you see “Webblog.com” posted at game raiderz, I’m sure you’ll agree his dishes speak for themselves.

Someone else who speaks for himself is… well, me. You can chow down on two slices of James Newton goodness, the first of which is my Wii Fit preview from Nintendo Life. After building some muscle, don’t forget your grey matter by checking out my recent article “Dr Kawashima’s Brain Washing: How Nintendo Dumbed Gaming Down“. It might seem anti-Nintendo, but the truth is it was borne out of frustration from listening to their Sight Training and Brain Training adverts all day long at work.

Why not wash that down with a little vintage Sega goodness? We’ve a delightful bottle of Sega Superstars Tennis on our wine list today; a jaunty bouquet with notes of nostalgia and Richard Jacques’s aftershave slipping through. A tremendous accompaniment to our banquet!

Everyone has a favourite chef: mine is myself. That said, Alvaro Fernandez always cooks up a sumptuous plateful, and he’s delivered again this month with a succulent report on The State of the Brain Fitness Software Market 2008, proving there is much more to tightening up your intellectual agility than counting men going into houses.

James D. Brausch just popped into the banquet, handing out flyers for his post “Is Your Keyboard Making You Fat?“. From the looks on the other guests’ faces, they’ve had enough just for now, but I need fattening up, so more for me!

You know when you’re young and you want to avoid eating something horrible, so you push it around your plate and hope it thins out enough to look like you’ve eaten it? Well this isn’t anything like that. All these articles are haute cuisine of the highest order, and none more so than “The Road to Hell is Gamed with Good Intentions: Mass Effect“, Jen’s insightful take on the recent kerfuffle over Mass Effect’s sex scene.

Next I’ll carve a slice of K Peney’s meaty-looking “Stepping Away from Escapism” from Write the Game. Tender, moist… delicious! More of this, please!

Jigsaw HC barbecues a mean steak, but will he find EA’s Army of Two a little undercooked? His Army of Two Review should satisfy.

I tried sushi for the first time a few weeks ago. I love rice, soy sauce and fish. I hated sushi. If you’re thinking of trying an unfamiliar form of dining called “Macs”, you should check out Jose DeJesus MD’s “Tips for People Considering a Mac or Macbook“. It could prevent you spitting your cold, salty rice all over yourself.

Well, after all that fine dining it’s only right to finish on something decadently indulgent, and right on cue is dessert master David Herbert of the Michelin-starred Pariah’s Guild, with a calorie-stuffed twenty articles at the time of writing! As is tradition, David earns The Jordan Bieber Award for Most Articles Submitted! Many congratulations and thanks David, I hope you’ll continue to support the Carnival in the coming months!

Many thanks again to David and everybody who submitted articles this month! As usual, a few didn’t make the cut but don’t let that deter you from submitting again next time!

I’m stuffed

The next Carnival is coming around on April the 21st, so get those articles in before April the 18th to be considered! Submit your entry using the Blog Carnival submissions form. If you’d be interested in hosting next month’s or a future edition of the Carnival, please leave your name and website in a comment and we’ll strike a deal!

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