About six months ago this postcard sailed through our letterbox.

I didn’t have any friends on holiday, any that were interested in basking sharks or would send me a postcard “just because”. I even smudged the writing on “Marley” to see if it was printed spam, but it’s actually someone’s real handwriting. A real person wrote and sent this.

I was quite confused, but things got even stranger when I read what was on the back. You can click the image for a larger version.
From what I can tell, it was sent from Scotland – I think the postmark says Glasgow – and it’s addressed to a Master Helme. Obviously that isn’t me, and neither is it my girlfriend or our housemate at the time. In fact, to the best of my knowledge, none of the previous tenants went by the name Master Helme either. I presume whoever wrote this postcard knew him from a long time ago.

The handwriting is obviously a child’s, but here, as accurately as I can make it, is what it says:

To Marley

I no you don’t layk theis but we haf bigin been to balamory and we hard to go on to a balamory trip and to Marley from Alfie and Franco

The first section

“I know you don’t like this” is absolutely fascinating. Why didn’t Marley like it that they were in Balamory? Why did they have to go on that trip?

The more I read it, the more questions come to my mind. The address is written much more clearly – is it a parent or much older sibling? Why is it only addressed to Master, not Mr Helme?

However, nothing prepared me for the last bit.

It comes after the names, so I suppose it was added as an afterthought:

I fell off my bike and killed my self

I have read and re-read that line so many times, but I’m still not sure what it says. It looks like it says “killed”, and I can’t think of anything else it could say, but of course that doesn’t make any sense at all.

It’s such a bizarre postcard to get by accident that I can’t help but wonder what Marley would have made of it. What do you think of it?

As you’ll have noticed from the cool new banner – although subscribers, you’re missing out – today is the 14th birthday of Miles “Tails” Prower.

I can hardly believe it’s fourteen years since all that fuss over Sonic Twosday, when everyone was excited about the sequel to what was then (still is, maybe) the best game ever. It did quite well, I seem to recall.

Sega, in their great wisdom, have chosen today to launch the new Sonic game on Xbox 360. I think my gesture is much nicer.

Happy birthday, Tails. Even though you’re not as cool as Sonic – who got an entire site redesign – you’re still cool enough to get an article mentioning your happy day.

Links:

The best Sonic 2 page ever

When Nintendo announced that the DS would be able to connect to the ‘net, I was astonished. Although the Dreamcast and Xbox Live have forged the path for online multiplayer, being able to take your handheld on the move and pop online to blast, race and trade was uncharted territory. How, then, did Nintendo get it so wrong?

This time it’s personal

Two games have brought me to this conclusion: Metroid Prime Hunters and Mario Kart DS. Don’t get me wrong, they’re both excellent games and much higher quality than I could have expected from a portable game. I  remember when more than two colours on screen was a big deal! No, it’s not the games themselves I have a problem with, but how the online competition works.

Nintendo set out to make online play simple, and they succeeded. Connect to your router, and two or three buttons later you can be warming up for a hot deathmatch or a blazing race against anyone in the world. That’s the problem though: it could be anyone, and who cares if they beat a stranger?

The joy of multiplayer

It’s not just about having another brain to battle, but another personality, but Nintendo’s opponents are devoid of personality. They might have nicknames – “noobkiller” sticks in my mind, though why you’d be proud of that I don’t know – but that’s it. Stripping communication may have made the games safe, but it’s made them dull too; you can’t tickle them with insults or congratulate them on a good game. They are cold opponents, and for all the interaction you’re allowed with them they might as well be robots.

I understand Nintendo did this to protect the kiddies, and it does mean you don’t get the wealth of idiots – irony absolutely intended – that plague the world of online games with repeated spam and insults, but I do at least like to be sure the person I’m matched against is human.

Imperfect but balanced?

It’s not all bad though, of course. The very idea of being able to play a handheld console game against anyone in the world is incredible; I can visit my friends in Animal Crossing and drop off some presents, take them on in a little light competition in Mario Kart and even voice chat with them in Metroid Prime Hunters.

Of course, playing against your friends will always be more fun, but an online game  should still try to create a similar sense of community, of playing with and not just against someone.

I doubt Nintendo will change their policy on online games, but unless they do you’ll just feel like you’re playing against bots with names, not real players like you. The key to genuine multiplayer joy is interaction with your opponent, not just in terms of the game’s mechanics but in communicating as a player too. Let’s hope Nintendo realise that soon.

  I’m listening to Baby Be Mine, from Thriller [Bonus Tracks] by Michael Jackson