When Nintendo announced that the DS would be able to connect to the ‘net, I was astonished. Although the Dreamcast and Xbox Live have forged the path for online multiplayer, being able to take your handheld on the move and pop online to blast, race and trade was uncharted territory. How, then, did Nintendo get it so wrong?

This time it’s personal

Two games have brought me to this conclusion: Metroid Prime Hunters and Mario Kart DS. Don’t get me wrong, they’re both excellent games and much higher quality than I could have expected from a portable game. I  remember when more than two colours on screen was a big deal! No, it’s not the games themselves I have a problem with, but how the online competition works.

Nintendo set out to make online play simple, and they succeeded. Connect to your router, and two or three buttons later you can be warming up for a hot deathmatch or a blazing race against anyone in the world. That’s the problem though: it could be anyone, and who cares if they beat a stranger?

The joy of multiplayer

It’s not just about having another brain to battle, but another personality, but Nintendo’s opponents are devoid of personality. They might have nicknames – “noobkiller” sticks in my mind, though why you’d be proud of that I don’t know – but that’s it. Stripping communication may have made the games safe, but it’s made them dull too; you can’t tickle them with insults or congratulate them on a good game. They are cold opponents, and for all the interaction you’re allowed with them they might as well be robots.

I understand Nintendo did this to protect the kiddies, and it does mean you don’t get the wealth of idiots – irony absolutely intended – that plague the world of online games with repeated spam and insults, but I do at least like to be sure the person I’m matched against is human.

Imperfect but balanced?

It’s not all bad though, of course. The very idea of being able to play a handheld console game against anyone in the world is incredible; I can visit my friends in Animal Crossing and drop off some presents, take them on in a little light competition in Mario Kart and even voice chat with them in Metroid Prime Hunters.

Of course, playing against your friends will always be more fun, but an online game  should still try to create a similar sense of community, of playing with and not just against someone.

I doubt Nintendo will change their policy on online games, but unless they do you’ll just feel like you’re playing against bots with names, not real players like you. The key to genuine multiplayer joy is interaction with your opponent, not just in terms of the game’s mechanics but in communicating as a player too. Let’s hope Nintendo realise that soon.

  I’m listening to Baby Be Mine, from Thriller [Bonus Tracks] by Michael Jackson